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November 01 2017

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4800 players, Beethoven’s 9th Symphony Speedrun

its not even music anymore it’s just a shockwave that kills you instantly

October 31 2017





so a tourist in Italy is fulfilling her lifelong dream of seeing the birth of venus, her fave painting, in person. and while she’s there a Hot Girl strikes up a conversation with her and she loves art and is charming and they talk until the museum closes. they exchange numbers. the next day the birth of Venus painting is stolen, nobody knows who stole it. so anyways, the two girls continue dating and are happy and shit? and on their one year anniversary her girlfriend reveals that she’s an international art thief and she stole the birth of venus after meeting her. tourist girl flips and wants it returned she doesn’t want to just. hoard the art so nobody can see it. so then art thief has to do a reverse heist where she sneaks the painting back into the museum without getting caught

Bear in mind that the Birth of Venus is like 15 feet tall and 30 feet wide…

why would you have to do a reverse heist instead of like
thouroughly cleaning it of fingerprints, DNA and other trace evidence and then just quietly dropping it off round the back underneath a tarp and a note attached

because she’s gay and loves drama don’t ever question me again



where’s that clip of the guy hearing persona 5′s music for the first time and jamming the fuck out

October 29 2017

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I’m proud to share some photographs I did for Pride.com’s “Body Positivity” week with @cagzzzilla & @cheesygorditocrunch

View the full project here:

body posi vibes


do you ever bite into a piece of cheese on bread and immediately find yourself as a true and honest shepherd boy in the 1300s who sometimes steals apples but is overall hale and truehearted




Anyone who says you can’t give flowers to boys clearly hasn’t tried it. Seriously, give a boy some roses, they get adorably flustered and go all red. It’s the most precious thing.

Give more boys flowers.

crush stereotypes now 

we love flowers. give us flowers.

Dicking Around



A few years back my mates and I were dressed up for Halloween and my cat furry roommate (good guy, furries are entertaining folks) was wearing his partial suit out with us. We were in Boston proper and all of us were on a budget at the time, so the only option for a late night drink and dinner open to us was a place called Dick’s Last Resort. 

If you’ve never been, the big draw at Dick’s is that they’re dicks to you.  The staff are sarcastic, they throw your menus and straws and shit at you, and they make you hats that say mean stuff. 


I don’t get it either. So anyways, we’ve got - I’ll call him Frank - the cat with us, and Frank’s 100% ready to go fuck with Dicks, so we head on in.

The waitress starts doing her bit, but the cat in the room has thrown off her game and she doesn’t really know how to handle Frank in Full Cat mode. 

He points out the drink he wants without speaking, with a paw, on the menu and she asks for an ID and starts saying ‘I swear to god your ID better have a big fuckkin’ cat on it or-“


She threw his licence back at us and walked away speechless. Didn’t talk to us the rest of the evening.

Anyways, I dug up this old photo today and thought it deserved to be preserved for posterity.  So here you go, the day Frank broke Dicks.


a milkshake to summon the boys and a cold one to bind them





All men benefit from women’s reinforced fear of being hurt for saying no.

read it again and again

Understand that this applies even to non-sexual situations. Women are more likely to be asked for favors from coworkers. Regular “can you file this for me” / “can you cover my shift” / “can you finish up this paperwork” workplace favors. Men are less likely to return those favors. Women are more likely to be seen as “difficult to work with” if they refuse to do favors when requested. Being viewed as ungenerous has negative social and professional consequences.

So yes, even gay men benefit. All men benefit from women’s reinforced fear of being hurt, not just physically, but also socially and professionally, for saying no to anything at all.

Re: above; just in case it looks like I’m just pulling facts out of my ass, here are my sources:








me: oh that’s some really sweet good art of two guys in love in their average flat. what a gentle depiction of everyday life

the op’s tags: anthro!courage the cowardly dog/john the baptist


where’s the fucking picture

Wtf is sephora



















It sounds scary

isn’t that the guy with the long white hair from final fantasy

no your thinking of sephiroth,

a sephora is an angel belonging to the highest order of angels

No you’re thinking of a Seraph

A sephora is a second year college or high school student

No, you’re thinking of sophomore. A sephora is when you use your phone to take a picture of yourself.

no, you’re thinking of a selfie. a sephora is a calm breeze.

No, you’re thinking of a zephyr. A sephora is one of those Greek vases with the two handles and the pictures.

You’re thinking of an amphora. Sephora is the web browser you have to use on iOS devices.

You’re thinking of Safari.  Sephora is an informal term for the seven-week period of counting the days between Pesach and Shavuot in the Jewish calendar.

You’re thinking of Sefiras. Sephora is a bright blue gemstone best known for combining with Ruby to create Garnet and lead the Crystal Gems, training Pokemon, and/or assisting Steel to fight against time’s intrusions into our realm.

No, you’re thinking of sapphire. Sephora is actually a part of a flower; it protects the flower in bud and supports the petals in bloom.

No, you’re thinking of sepal. Sephora is the wife of Moses, who lead the Israelites people out of Egypt. 

No, you’re thinking of Tzipporah. Sephora was an ancient Greek poet who inspired a lot of lady-lovin’.

No, you’re thinking of Sappho.

Sephora is the youngest of the five Marx brothers.

No, you’re thinking of Zeppo.

Sephora is the Heimdall’s sister.

No no no guys, you’re thinking of Sif. Sephora is a venereal disease that turns your brain to swiss cheese, going so far as to destroy external features like the nose. Famous gangster Al Capone suffered from sephora.

No, you’re thinking of syphilis. Sephora is that radiant feeling you get when you have found perfect peace and happiness.

No, you’re thinking of euphoria. Sephora’s a fucking makeup store you dipshits.

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Here Are 28 Things Millennials Are Killing In Cold Blood

no mercy run

And they say the millennial generation is lazy and entitled.

Here’s a secret: it’s not OUR JOB to adapt to the market. It’s not OUR JOB to buy napkins and golf clubs and drive to the mall on the other side of town to make sure it doesn’t go out of business.

Did previous generations kill the horse and wagons after the car was invited? Did those lazy citizens kill the town crier by buying into that newfangled newspaper business?

What people want and are ready to spend their money on will change over time. Today we have different goals and different standards - like I will invite my friends over for dinner and instead of napkins I’ll put a roll of paper towels on the table. And my friends won’t clutch their pearls and hiss “you uncultured swine” at me, because we value that paper towels are cheap and efficient! Napkins may be pretty but some of them end up being unused, and I’ll have to throw them away after the dinner and it’s a fucking waste.

Did your mall end up as an empty husk outside of town because those pesky millennials buy all their clothes online now? You lucky son of a gun. Now you get to use your ~*IMAGINATION*~ and repurpose that ugly windowless box into something actually useful. Why not a nice office space? (x)


Or how about you make the old stores into cute micro apartments? I WOULD LOVE TO LIVE IN ONE OF THESE! (x)


Are the stores fine but the parking lot empty because those cheap hipsters would rather take a bus or bike to the mall instead of buying a car like regular people? Do like they did in Seattle and turn it into a fucking beautiful water treatment facility and park. (x)


This thing collects storm-water runoff to create and provide nutrients to small pools and green areas. It works like a natural creek that ALSO filters out pollutants that would damage the salmon population! AS A MILLENNIAL I CAN SAY THAT THIS IS SO FUCKING UP MY ALLEY YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I WOULD GO TO THAT MALL, BUY A COFFEE AND GO OUT TO LOOK AT THE BIRDS.


Actual fucking plovers. When was the last time a parking lot did something for the environment except gathering upp more roadkill for the scavengers?

I could also go into why no-one is watching shitty sitcoms or boring movies because we have access to so much media that we can filter out the generic stuff that doesn’t appeal to us, but that is an essay in itself. We are extremely capable on spending it on media that speaks to us though (hey this is unrelated but did you know that Wonder Woman has passed 570M$ worldwide?)

TLDR: Market powers are entitled and used to people spending an ever-increasing amount of money on their shitty products. When this trend turns they are too unimaginative and lazy to do something about it so instead they’ll whine about how their former customers are “killing” them.

They can either DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT or spend the rest of their days crying into their surplus napkins.


Also, the idolized lifestyle of the 1950s-2000s was unsustainable. The bubble burst, and my generation inherited a ruined world whose elders refuse acknowledge that their prosperity came at our expense. 

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good kid


i work as an actor at a haunted house and this little girl who was dressed as a cat came through she saw me and was like “no thank you please dont get closer i am already scared” and i was like alright i appreciate the good manners ill back off. so her dad picks her up and starts going down the rest of my dark hall and i just hear her yell “everybody wait! i dropped my ears” so i find them and give them to her dad and she goes “thank you but i hope i never see you again goodbye” and waved over her dads shoulder. i waved back and she gave me a thumbs up. honestly this kid has a lot of guts props for being so polite when shes terrified i hope she gets a lot of candy this year

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When I won the great ovarian egg search of 1975, I never thought I’d amount to much. But in a piddly four decades, I’ve achieved some pretty incredible things. Par exemple..

Wes Anderson: Who are you???

Taika Waititi: I’m you but stronger


watch the candies your children are given this halloween!!! my son came back from trick or treating with a BIG toblerone !! he doesnt DESERVE this big toblerone




having a job is so weird like I can literally just…. buy shit

We out here buying shit

yes bitch we are purchasing shit and fuck












let’s stop seeing sex as the biggest thing you can do to show someone you love them

everyone knows that the real way to show someone you love them is to find them a really cool rock. not a diamond. just a neat rock that you think they will enjoy



Why just one rock
Why not three
Why not the silmarils

#i’m pretty sure there’s an entire book on the topic ‘why not silmarils’  (x)

And one on why not the arkenstone

You’re right. Just get them a ring.

do not get them a ring

Can’t not reblog this again

October 27 2017






I’m gonna make my own dnd dice silicone molds and start making myself dice hard candies and gummies and shit so when I go to sessions I can pull out one dice bag w my actual dice and the other full of dice replicas that I bring to my mouth and CRUNCH in front of my party members

I can see at least three ways this ends in disaster.

i can bite through metal with ease. If i accidentally ate one of my actual real dice, i’d be fine.

Don’t you have a jar of human teeth from fights you’ve won?

That’s beside the point of this post, justahumblememefarmer.

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captain raymond holt: an icon™

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